BRANDING CRIME #34

The Surreal Customer Persona

“We know exactly who they are. We just can’t seem to find one in real life.”

How it kills

  • The brand invents a customer so specific they only exist in brainstorms and mood boards.
  • Builds an entire strategy around a fictional character no one has ever actually met.
  • Launches products designed for people who wake up at 5 AM to journal, meditate, and follow a 17-step skincare routine…while actual customers are simply sleep-deprived people who just want a moisturizer that works.

 

What Works

  • Start by meeting real people.
    Not avatars. Not “ideal profiles.”
    And definitely not whatever that character was in the brand deck.
    Real people.
    Messy people.
    The kind who buy night cream at the supermarket wearing sweatpants and a mild sense of regret.
  • Watch what they actually do, not what they say they do on social media.
    Ask them questions.
    Listen to the awkward pauses.
    Ignore the buzzwords.
    Learn their story.
  • Care about them — and they just might care about what you do, too.

How to spot it

A quick evaluation shows whether this crime is undermining your brand—and whether you’ve been ignoring the evidence.
Answer these 3 questions honestly:

Ask, “Do we know someone like this?”
If the room goes quiet and someone says, “Well… conceptually,” the suspect is imaginary.

If your brand decisions rely on customers being well-rested, aspirational, and consistently mindful, you are designing for a version of humanity that exists mainly in keynote slides and Sunday newsletters.

Strip away “conscious,” “curious,” “urban,” and “intentional.”
If nothing concrete remains — habits, constraints, frustrations — you’re interrogating a vibe, not a human.

Honest assessment is the first step. If you want to investigate further:

Join Confidential

Weekly deep dives on brand crimes, real examples, and what actually works.
A newsletter on brand crimes, deeper dives, and studio notes to kick off your week.